Harold, I’m sorry to call you at three in the morning
but you’re older than I am and you may have less time
to relish a word you may not have heard of.
It’s “rejectamenta,” and I stumbled upon it
early this morning when I couldn’t sleep.
I wish I had found rejectamenta years ago.
It means exactly what you might think:
“matter rejected as useless or worthless.”
Imagine how useful that word would have been
in our younger days as a weapon of choice.
I would have shouted it often when leaving a job
or leaving a nice woman who thought we should marry.
I would have extended my arm like Adolph and shouted
“Rejectamenta!” with the roar of “Sieg Heil!”
For the remainder of my life I will shout it when nettled.
I will shout it at the waiter in that Polish restaurant
the next time he plops pickled pigs feet
in front of me obviously short on gel.
I loathe those feet but the gel is marvelous.
We may be aging, Harold, but we have a word now
we can whip out of our quivers whenever we’re miffed.
Perhaps the embalmer will tattoo it on my forehead
if my wife isn’t looking, assuming she survives.
Carry on, Harold. The finish line is just ahead.