Yours is the first email I opened this morning. I was surprised to see
your name since I had forgotten about the piece I had submitted a year
ago. Time does fly.
I appreciate your suggested revisions and invitation to re-submit the
work once I have made the revisions. I can tell that you spent a lot
of time analyzing my efforts.
I’m afraid, however, that I can’t make the changes you suggest.
Nevertheless I feel obligated to compensate you for your time.
It is to that end that I took your name to Rebecca. I showed her your
suggestions and she said that your name would be introduced at the
next gathering of her coven. She asked if I had any suggestions for
revisions to your life. I said I did and that she might want to take
I said I thought it might be best to have your organs rot one organ at
a time. I added, however, that while your organs rot slowly in series,
your heart should remain strong so you can die at a leisurely pace. We
don’t want to rush this.
She said that could be arranged although it was an unusual request. In
similar cases in dispatching someone who has grievously insulted
another, usually the insulted party wants the insulter eliminated
immediately. I’m unusual, she said, in that respect.
I told her I didn’t want to be heartless and have you die before you
have a chance to put your affairs in order. And I reminded her not to
inflict cancer on your pancreas too early because medicine has no
certain cure for that. In short order, cancer of the pancreas usually
means lights out.
I suggested she start with your gall bladder and move on to your
kidneys and then your lungs and then your brain. That will keep the
doctors busy while you waste away. I suggested she save your pancreas
I also asked her to let me know when your pancreas becomes involved so
I can make plane reservations to come and say good-bye.
In the meantime, may your next issue be stillborn. No reason to make
it different from the last.